There's Always A Lot Going On

Scenes from today's walk, an essay and a poem

I took these photos on my morning walk. The air felt cool and smelled of Fall, and the sky reflected a brilliant blue hue. I was buoyed by the wonder and beauty I found, looking up, out, down or around. And I was reminded of the balance the universe seeks, of the natural order of things both inner and outer.

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Look Up

Look Out

Look Down

Look Around

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Mindfully moving outdoors felt particularly healing today; although my walk was a brief three miles compared to the usual 5-7, constrained by the weighty, gray, velcro-encased, plastic boot I’ll wear for a few weeks to stabilize a wonky ankle. Rheumatoid arthritis has inflamed my left foot (Perpetually bringing to mind Daniel Day Lewis!) in one way or another for nearly a year. This, in turn, has contributed to degradation in the opposite hip as my body fights to maintain balance. I’ve changed all my footwear, stopped pilates, and returned to yoga. I’ve shortened and slowed my walks and replaced my mattress and pillows, with little improvement. This week the foot specialist said “boot it or you’ll need surgery.” So I’m in a boot, and I’m kinda pissed off.

I’m also grateful for this constructive, conservative approach because I don’t want another surgery. Over the years I’ve had lots of cysts and bone spurs removed, both thumbs rebuilt with tendons harvested from my forearms, both big toes fused using plates and screws, and one shoulder completely replaced. I figure I’ve got a third of life yet to live and one goal is to avoid another surgery. The boot, worn occasionally for a few weeks, may help me achieve that goal. So I’ll wear the damned boot. And I’ll allow myself to feel all the anger rather than pushing it down and storing it away; because yesterday my massage therapist speculated, after ninety minutes working out my knots, that my body began destroying itself in response to decades of storing rather than releasing negative emotions.

It’s a theory I’m considering.

In the meantime, I’ll wear the boot. And maybe I’ll punch one of those new pillows. And of course, I’ll share a poem.

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Go Ahead

Go ahead.

Allow yourself

To be really pissed off.

It’s better in the long run,

Preventing damage to self.

But remember —

Hurting someone else

Is self-wounding, too

Since in reality

We are all connected.

We are all one.

Together

We have so much to learn.

Go ahead.

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Let me know if any of this resonates.

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